Grappling with the College Admissions Question, "Why Didn't I Get In?"

Over the past few years, viral videos of high school seniors jubilantly viewing their college acceptance on their computer have circulated online.  As we know, though, not everyone gets admitted.

And while disappointed students may close their laptop, walk away, and never think about that college again, there are others who are bothered by the obvious question, "Why?"  Parents can be mad on behalf of their children, school counselors can be disappointed, and students occasionally are incredulous. "I've worked so hard, accomplished so much, and I want this so badly.  Why didn't I get in?"

As with many parts of college admissions, there is no easy answer. What can be especially frustrating for students is that a great percentage of applicants to selective institutions have the academic credentials of accepted students in years past. Yet, their application can still be denied. 

Is it worth it to explain to the student that this year's applicant pool may have been bigger or stronger or that institutional priorities may have shifted or that the particular area of study for which they applied is especially selective or that the college may have been looking for a smaller class than in years past or any of the other factors that impact selection each year?  Like many lessons in adult life, it's a fool's game to chase the "Why?"  Even if it's possible (and it's likely not), understanding the reason behind the rejection will often not soothe the wounds nor bring peace to the restless. 

But, an applicant's accomplishments are no less impressive and their high school experience no less worthy simply because their application to a particular school was denied. The college application is not a measure of achievement or potential or personal worth. The inherent value and the long-lasting impact of the high school years should not be damaged by a disappointing decision on a student's application.

At Holy Cross, in an attempt to learn as much as possible about each applicant, both academically and personally, we welcome letters from applicants' parents.  As you might imagine, most of these letters take on a similar tone. They are reflective and proud, laudatory and nostalgic. They tell of premature births, broken arms, undefeated seasons, and straight A's. But, often the most memorable stories are much smaller than that¾ a kind word to a younger sibling, a smart decision made in the face of peer pressure, and chores done at Grandma's house. 

When talking to my friends whose children are not applying to Holy Cross, I still recommend this practice. While these recommendations do not play a significant role in our application review process, I think the true value for parents lies in the process of reflection and writing.

And I often wonder if parents show these letters to their children. What it would be like if we included a copy of this letter with our admissions decision? I have no doubt the effect it would have on students. The decision that a room full of strangers had made on their application would suddenly seem far less significant, the letter of acceptance would seem less momentous, and the letter of denial would carry less sting if students truly knew how proud their parents were of them.